Recovery Act One

Recovery from lost trust is a battle, if not a war that can bend and break anyone to relapse. Over a course of time I have managed to lose complete trust with a certain person and may never be able to get it back. But that will not stop me from trying anyways.

Throughout my studies (by studies I mean I educated myself with real life situations based on the regaining of lost trust.), I have learned that yes, trust can be regained. But, there cannot be any ifs, ands, or buts in the recovery process. Full admittance of guilt is admirable. One particular story I read that caught my eye was one about a couple who had been married for several years. Early on in the relationship the husband had cheated on what was currently his girlfriend and soon to be wife, many times. He was caught red handed a few of the times and the others were just found out by investigation based on suspicion. They split up and he came crawling back out of the depths of despair to promise her his sincerest apologies and unmatched efforts to never do it again. Eventually they parted ways and kept away for a while only to be reunited months later by some form of miracle implanted in the brain of the ex boyfriend. They got married a year later and they claim to have a relationship that bonds like gorilla glue and it grows stronger every day.

Was it fate that decided this? Was it the realization of sheer stupidity that convinced his cheating mind to return to his true love? Well, whatever the case may be, it worked. Recovery is possible, but it takes two to get there. After several failed attempts at staying true to the one I love, I feel that as a human being it would be cold hearted and insensitive at the least for me to make another attempt unless I am one hundred percent sure that I can remain true and love this person with more passion than I even think could be possible.

Is this the breakthrough I have been searching for in drugs and alcohol for over two years? Is this the moment I stand up and do, finally, what needs to be done for me to keep my family together? Is this the moment I throw all my cards down on the table and unravel my past into a fiery furnace? This is that breakthrough. This is the moment I searched for and I didn't find it in substance. This is when I take a stand. And these are my cards down on the table.