The Fresh Start

Something just clicked. Whether it be God giving me a pat on the back, or a simple human instinct that says "Hey buddy, keep doing what you're doing. Things are starting to look up for you!" Either way, I'm more than satisfied.

Here I am, continually having negative things to say about the world and its problems... but who was I to say a thing about those problems when mine weren't a great deal better? Well that time has come and gone. There's a new cat writing to your hungry eyes right now... probably not anything you or I would have expected, but at the end of the day, I'm more than satisfied.

I met this girl, woman more-so... but the thing about her that really just tickles my noggin is that she doesn't appear to have any psychotic characteristics! Now, I've experienced this sensation once before, but I sent that relationship into a spiraling black hole of emptiness, and after 2 years or so, I am relieved that I found her, 800 miles from home, and shares every feeling, desire, and passion with me. That doesn't come easy. So here I am, once again, more than satisfied.

I've neglected many responsibilities over the years. I've let things go that should have been fought for, or just not fought at all for the things I really needed. Something is different. Maybe its the climate or the cleaner air hitting my brain. Maybe its because I surrendered everyone and everything I wanted in Dayton and started fresh somewhere far away. Maybe its the progress I've made mentally in more recent events. Whatever the case, I have shaped things up in ways I could never have imagined would EVER happen in Dayton.

I have big plans for the next ten years friends... and I'm excited to share them with you when the time is right. Right now, living in Oklahoma, I may not have my daughter by my side, I may not have my family there to baby me and make sure everything is going chipper on a daily basis, and I may not have the few friends I found to be worth anything here to share good times with me... but they are all just a phone call away. I am happy with my life, and I encourage any of you to do what I did if you are having a tough time where you are now... a fresh start is never a bad thing, and for realizing that, I am MORE than satisfied.

-quixotic-

Brief Note No.3

Guilt is dangerous. Its roots grow around your legs

and pull you down, little bits at a time. It forms ideas

in your head that conspire against your own self

appreciation. Letting guilt have its way with you

is the beginning of the end.

Regret is poison. It flows freely through you,

continually and unexpectedly reminding you

of what you have done. It grips tightly to your ankles,

making it more difficult to move forward.

Leaving it behind will be the best thing you ever did.

Brief Note No.2

Clarity is serenity. We find comfort in stability.

Those of us who are unstable, find comfort in

regularity. Those of us who are stable, are easily

stung by irregularity. We build our own

foundations for happiness. We draw the lines 

where we think they should be drawn, and we live

according to them. We fall, we get back up, and we

search for clarity again.

-quixotic-

Brief Note No.1

love is all you need. There is nothing else. There is only you,

the people you love, and the people that love you. No one else

matters. No one else means anything. We live, we love, we die.

-quixotic-

The Satisfied

So here I was, plummeting into a bottomless pit of despair and confusion. Satisfied? In some sense... Yes, I was. But there was more to be explored and the lifestyle I had been living was not giving me what I needed to succeed. I wasn't happy with myself, my life, the tension that had been built over time that would eventually be the death of me, and the choices I was making. I wasn't satisfied, so I escaped.

Over time, most people realize how to get along and function in society as stable and responsible adults. You could be 16 or you could be 60 before you learn this, if you haven't already. Prosperity comes to those who work towards it. It comes to those who take leaps, not steps. It comes to those who can brush a side order of distress off their shoulder without any force at all. Here, is the foundation for satisfaction.

Humans work together, in groups or as individuals, to help other humans reach their final breath. Some are abandoned, some are carried away til the very end. When one of us falls out of line, it is the others job to make sure they understand what they did and why it was wrong. Failing at this, is us giving up our responsibilities as humans. I don't mean you should scorn everyone that crosses your line of disapproval. But watch closely and help guide others to the best of your ability. When working together, there will always be someone to keep your spirits high.

The angry come in groups. Those who are angry as individuals don't tend to get out much. But angry violent people work in packs. They are vengeful and typically emotionally distraught in several other senses as well. Before trying to reason with one of these angry people, you have to first realize that they will not accept nor will they respect you if you disagree with them. Anger is, to my knowledge, the strongest and most powerful emotion on earth. A small amount of anger can change a lot more than all the love in the world. My only piece of advice... anger should be ignored. Its not going to get you anywhere and having angry people around you all the time isn't going to get you anywhere either.

Satisfaction as a whole is probable for anyone from any background. Taking advice from others is a good way to find satisfaction, but finding yourself and who you were born to be, is the ultimate satisfaction. Over time, given the right environment, you will find more than enough tranquility in yourself than you will know what to do with. Breathe easy and keep your emotions under control. This will help you analyze things for what they really are. Un-biased, self appreciation will come to those who want it bad enough.

Lastly, keep those who love and care about you, closest to you. Make sure they know how much they mean to you and let them know that your relationship with them is valuable in every sense. People will make mistakes. Everyone does from time to time. Realizing your mistakes and making the future free of them is the difficult part. Lessons are learned through adolescence, young adulthood, adulthood, and even in your elderly state. Make everything a learning experience... because it is the experiences that change us the most. Not the books we read, not the information we take in, not the music we listen to, not the amount of money we make. We thrive on experience, so make yours count.

-quixotic-

Lets talk Jibber Jabber

Scurrying through life worrying about being accepted and loved is a burden I don't think anyone should have to handle. It's just a matter of loving yourself thats going to make all the difference in the world. Who's to say you can't be whoever the hell you want to be? If you want to be a bum under a newspaper in an alley, then go do it. But who's to say you can't be happy doing it?

Feeling accepted is usually something that either comes as a result from compliments or uplifting remarks from your friends, family, or even a complete stranger. When we are young, we, as children, crave to be appreciated and patted on the back. It's like a dog doing tricks for a treat, only the treat is a heartwarming feeling called "acceptance". I don't know about any of you, but I'm not a dog. I am an individual and to my knowledge, I am the only living creature with a soul and a conscience. If nobody likes the way I do things and if people are going to look down on me for the way I look or act, then they can stay out of my way. I know what I want, and I know what I am going to do to get it. If someone is going to try to trip you up on the way there, then politely push them aside and keep moving forward.

Have you ever put yourself in imminent danger and sighed with relief once you were in the clear again? Well this is called stupidity. Don't do it. First off, if you have problems seeing a speck of success in your plan, its not likely to work out too well. Second, if you valued your own life (which you should), you wouldn't be cliffhanging your way to your grave. A rush is good every now and then... but I can assure you, the rush of a telephone pole smacking your dome on a wild night is not going to be the rush youre looking for.

We can all get along... right? Wrong. Everyone wants something different and many will do anything to get it. So along the road, you will encounter a handful of angry idiots, lots of manipulative crazies, people who want to be better than you, and people that get deeply offended when you disagree with them. Its those people that put up the roadblocks for society and social interaction as a whole. But at the same time, they do provide a topic for conversation and a good time. Are you a positive addition to society? Or are you wasting everyone's time and breath putting out negative energy all over the place?

Good friends are a must... even if its just a few. It's not hard to have one, two, three, maybe even four hundred people that you know by name and are fairly up to date on how theyre doing. But having people that know you inside and out... people that will always stretch out their hands to help you back up when you mess up, people that will be by your side until their dying breath... those people, are the people you need to pick out. Those are the people you need to find in that crowd of friendly acquaintances. Focus in on a few you might believe would be good friends for life. Then get to know them better. Its simple. Don't leave them hanging, don't screw them over, make sure they know that you want to be better friends with them.

Here comes the lecture... (coming from a guy that used to destroy everything he touched.)

1. Stop contaminating everything.
2. Stop littering all over. You're just being lazy.
3. Stop destroying your insides with excess toxins... its slow suicide.
4. Stop hating. Hatred only made things chaotic in the past, its not going to be any different now.
5. Stop wasting things. Everything you eat, drink, sit on, drive, burn, smoke, flush, and walk on, is a valuable resource that could make a world of difference somewhere else.

Keep up the eco friendly attitude and maybe we can change something eventually. Or you could not... its up to you.

A more personal note:

I am a thinker. I'm not the guy that puts these things into action... I'm the one brainstorming ways to explain it. I'm the guy that comes up with a thousand ideas a day that no one will ever attribute to me. I'm careless at times, and dilligent when I have to be. I do the things I have to do to succeed, and nothing less. I have strayed off where I should be many times, and hopefully it won't be happening again any time soon. I am working on changing things for myself. Not who I am, but what I do. Not what I've done, but what I am about to do. I WILL be doing the things I need to do... and I WILL put my ideas into action. This is the only life I have or will ever get, so what am I doing letting all these things pile up in my brain with no where to go? I need to express, I need to perform, I need to communicate, and I need to put myself out there... just a little bit more. Its my life, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'll leave you with this:

When you are breaking down and haven't a hope in the world, what is it thats overpowering you more than anything? Its not anger. Its not sadness. Its not even hopelessness. Its called regret my friends... and it will suck your bones dry. If you mess up, pick up your pride and don't do it again. No sense in letting your fingertips drag the ground as you're moping around, thinking about all the things you wish you could change about the past. Because it's never going to happen. Not in this era anyways. Feel the need to look for what you need to do differently, but don't wrestle with regret... it'll always win.

-quixotic-

Stepping On New Ground

I'm leaving a life of choas and constant regret for a life of singularity and authenticity. You can only stand on your feet for so long until the earthquake knocks you over. What happens now? Where do I go from here? Well I'll tell you first off what my intentions are...

I am going to hold my head up, because there are many that want me to fail... and by being positive, it will never happen. I am following my dreams, and I am following every one that I've ever had. I am bringing in new ideas to reform the way I live and function, because the old ways were not working. I will work my hardest at my job and do whatever I can to make money until next year. Then it will be time to start school. I will be going 5 days a week from 8am to 5pm. I will give it everything I've got. After the first year, I will hope to have a job that will help me pay for a mortgage on a house. Ill fix the house up and make it my home. From there I will begin to search for a woman that has her head on straight that I can live with as long as my heart decides to beat.

Now enough about me... let me tell you what I've learned this past year and moreso, this past week:

This goes to anyone that feels alone or is worried about never finding the right person. YOU DON'T NEED ANYONE! (Unless you are approaching old age. then I would recommend joining a good dating site.) If you are that worried about being alone, then you don't know who you are yet. If you have found yourself, then you know exactly what I mean. Anyone else that comes into your life is just a bonus. You are now and will always be just one person. A relationship shouldn't be two people glued together for eternity... it should be two separate individuals that live, learn, and love each other unconditionally and whole heartedly with a safe and trusting distance between. You have your entire life to gain experience with the person you find after you marry them. Don't rush anything and don't spend every second with them.

Family:

I've always had family around... and they've always supported me through everything (even when I am wrong, unfortunately). But it wasn't until recently that I discovered that all of my family has been through everything I have, just in different contexts and in a different time. Yes, times change, but the way people function doesn't. Human nature stays the same regardless of who plays what part and what technology or change takes place in society. Human emotion is also never changing. So by taking advice from a few of my close relatives, (you know who you are) I have found tranquillity to an extent that I could have never dreamed. At first (after ending a serious relationship that had gone sour on both sides) I felt lonliness and almost felt the need to keep speaking to her. But matters only continued getting worse. There are some things that have yet to be taken care of, but I know that they won't last forever... so I'm not concerned.

Whatever the future holds for me, from now on, I am going to accept as my fate. But as new doorways are opening, I am going to keep my distance until I know it is safe to walk through. I have more than enough regret about the past couple years of my life because I could have been doing alot better for myself and could have been making much better choices when it came to where I was putting my heart. But friends, enemies, haters, ex girlfriends, family, whoever is reading this... I'll have you know that I am happier than I have been in a very long time. And there is NOTHING that can stand in my way. Take care and I'll be writing again soon.

-quixotic-

The Revelation

Changing your perspective on the spot is not hard. But it is hard for others to understand sometimes. A revelation isn't always a complete change of heart. It could also be a burst of courage to do something you know should have happened long ago.

Last night I made a decision that would change every aspect of my life. I have been in a relationship that I thought I could change for the better. Up until last night I thought that everything had a chance of working out. Then I looked into the past and saw the things that I should have realized very early on. Here are the facts:

First off, I am not an abusive person. I will never be an abusive person. I would never strike a woman. I was taught never to do this at a very young age and it has always stuck. Second of all, I have a little girl. I have, for the past year and a half of her life, been living my life without any regard to her future. In the event that something between another woman and I were to happen while she was around, I would never forgive myself. Lastly, I have been lost in the sound of similarity. Having things in common with someone does not mean that your personalities won't clash. Sharing the same interests and hobbies will not make your relationship or your communication skills any better. For the sake of all that holy, get out of a relationship if you can't see past tomorrow with that person.

Im going to be single for a while. For a long while actually. I need to re-organize my life without having to worry about which direction my girlfriend wants me to go. This is MY life, I'm going to live the way I want to live, and I'm going to do the things I want to do. I havent been single since I was about 14... so this has been a long awaited day. I never got a chance to live as an independent teenager and now I'm about to step foot into the world of independent adulthood.

Over the past few years I've learned a lot of lessons. I've made a lot of mistakes and I've been filled to the  top with regret. But this past year, I've learned more lessons than I ever thought possible. This has been a life changing year. This has been a year of revelation.

-quixotic-

The Divide

I haven't written anything in a while but I'll do my best to stay on topic. Starting out, where do we belong? Are we ordered by our instincts to surround ourselves with those that are similar to us or is variety the answer? How long will it take before we find solid ground to stand on, good friends we can trust, and a relationship that doesn't have to be questioned every few days? Is it us or is it everyone else? And finally, what will become of us when we leave this earth.

There is no easy answers for any of the questions listed above. But to my best knowledge and personal findings, I'll show you my side of the spectrum. All humans want to love and be loved whether it be in a physically and emotionally committed relationship or just amongst a group of friends. Ultimately, we find ourselves clinging to those who show the most love or respect for us. In return, we do the same for them. So next time you ask yourself, "Am I changing the way that I am for this person or group of people", first think if it is an actual change of perspective and personality or if it is just a lifestyle and appearance change. What was once you will be you forever. Anything reminiscent of our past will follow us, trickling faintly behind us as we finish off our days here on earth.

In order to find solid ground to stand on, we have to first find reason to believe that it is now and always will be within our grasp no matter what travels we take on this earth. Unfortunately, true solid ground does not exist. What good is a life without trials? What good is a life where most lessons have gone unlearned? Solid ground is a figure of speech... therefore, we can chose either not to believe it exists at all, or we can believe in it and decide what can be considered as such (solid ground) and apply it to ourselves. Either way, you will still face a great amount of tests and trials so long as you exist.

Is it us or is it everyone else? Well the answer to this is quite simple. Every person is entitled to their own set of morals and a belief system to fall back on. The undecided are considered ignorant. But we will cross paths with those who have not only differing but also opposing beliefs than the ones we have. This is the divide. This is where similarities become null and void and the differences arise as problems, or a bad chemical combination as we might say. It IS us. Never is it them. Them including: he, she, it, him, her, or anyone/anything else. We are responsible for anything and everything that comes our way. Take care of yourselves and you wont have to be asking yourself questions like this every few days.

What happens when we die? Due to the nature of this topic and the vast amount of different beliefs about this question, I'm going to do what each and everyone of you should also do. Stick to what you know, no one can sway you until you find reason to completely drop your previous beliefs. But do not move from what you believe until you are completely sure. Also, do not try to interfere with anyone else's beliefs. This will only make them lose respect for you.

-quixotic-

On Realization & ----Others----

Realization is inevitable. But the sooner the better. Realizing who you are is not always the first thing. Sometimes it takes insight from others and you being able to realize who THEY are before you can truly understand who you are.

This may be a helpful analogy on the previous idea. The scent of your own home, good or bad, is not as apparent to you as it is to others. They may be able to define particular smells in your home that your nose is not even capable of sensing. Why? Well, because over time your nose becomes adapt to the scents in your home. Maybe your clothes smell a certain way... you would never know. The same idea applies when trying to discover yourself. It may take some insight from others or even some criticism before you have the ability to see who you are.

Understanding people can also be a brilliant addition to your life. Everyone functions differently. To be able to find a group or even one other person or persons that act the same way and handle themselves the same way you do is a long shot. Not to say that it can't be done, just don't disappoint yourself if you don't find these people right off the bat.

Fact: People suck. And by suck, I mean they are ignorant to your ideas, beliefs, and needs. Whether or not there are people that have the ability to reads minds is beyond me... but I do know this; I cannot. To be able to expect the worst from the human race is golden. It becomes more apparent to me as time goes by that everyone, in their own way, is an antagonist to my life. But at the same time, I am also an antagonist to them.

I've walked many different paths, chosen many different options that may not have always been the best options, and I have given my all to things that don't deserve it. But even after all this, I continue to question my ability to make decisions on my own. I seek a utopia that I will never receive. I am not perfect, nor is anyone that walks the face of this earth. No one even comes close for that matter. We are problematic, decision making, effort staking, baby making machines that wonder aimlessly until otherwise guided by someone who is a step or more ahead in the walk of life.

Alas, the final though and idea. Proclaiming security is profound nowadays. There is too much going on around the world for us to put our guard down. Comfort within a social environment can become just as difficult as time passes due to the first two ideas in this section. People are ever changing, ever rule breaking, and never misplacing a thought or idea if they want it birthed bad enough. So security is slim. But to find comfort in yourself, not necessarily knowing who you are, but being comfortable with the fact that your existence is inevitable (until otherwise noted by the grim reaper), is the first and foremost step that draws you closer to comfort with others.

-Quixotic-

The Unimportant

Reading my blogs is one thing. Believing what I have to say is something entirely different. So I'll start by saying this:

There are many things on this earth that are unimportant. Things that shouldn't even cross our minds. unfortunately, it isn't always the easiest task to filter out these things. Sometimes they just get to us. But in times like this we need to make room for a perspective change. Step away from the matter for a quick look at the positives and negatives associated and included in the matter.

Love is a beautifully tragic existence. Everything is good about it. But taken out of context and misused, it will become burdensome and bring regret like you've never felt before. Every person will experience love for someone or something before they die. There are several unimportant aspects in love:
1. The ability to recognize who loves who more.
2. Where it is going and what it "might" end up becoming.
3. Who loved who first.
4. What and how often love is expressed.
5. To what degree would the love be untainted.

The ability to recognize who loves who more instantly becomes a battlefield for arguing over who does more for the other companion. Thinking about where love is going and what it "might" end up being brings doubt and desperation for answers to problems within the relationship. This also becomes a battlefield for arguing. Who loved who first... really? I shouldn't even have to explain this one but I will anyways. Everyone has been brought up differently, everyone is their own person, and everyone thinks a different way. This also means that everyone falls in love at different times. The importance of love being expressed is a major thing. How often and what is being done should not be important. Being content with your love life brings a sense of connection and intimacy on both parts. And lastly, trying to uncover the extent of the love for the other companion is a treacherous path. This will bring doubt and fear into the relationship. Asking things that start with "would you still love me if..." or "would you love me less if." And to add onto that, the word "if" should be avoided at all costs. It is the most dangerous two letter word next to the abbreviated word "Dr."

I'm here to help... not to screw you all over. So listen or block it all out, don't say I didn't tell you so.

-quixotic-

The True

What is the truth? Which path is the right path? How many roads are there to walk? Truth be told, there is no real truth to the path that you walk. There is no limit to number of roads you could take. Somewhere, sometime, someone is going to take you by the hand and fulfill your every desire. Somewhere, sometime, someone is going to change the way you feel... and possibly change the rest of your life.

When I look back I see trial and error with people, places, decisions, and things. I see attempted correction of error and I see making the same mistakes all over again. I see the truth unearthed time after time only to be washed away by a new and enlightening truth.

"Dear Life, what is it that you want from me? Is this a personal thing?" I said to myself. But by now I've already found the answer to that question.

"Is this personal?" : Yes. It is personal. Its personal in every way you look at it. And why? Simply because of this : The more roads you walk, the more potholes you will encounter. The more cautious you are, the less potholes you trip into. The more potholes you avoid, the faster you can get to where you need to be going. And the faster you get to your destination, the longer you are entitled to happiness. You've heard it said time and again, "life's a bitch." So open your eyes, and push that bitch aside and live the way YOU want to live.

The truth is supposedly leveled on a fulcrum of happiness or self-satisfaction. If you believe this theory then stop by your local trophy shop to have a personalized "Most Selfish Person Of The Year" award made. First off... life most certainly about survival. But on a larger scale, who wants to try to survive in a world where no one cares about anyone elses survival. Think outside your crowded and overwhelming life to admire your neighbor's attempts at survival and help them if at all needed.

Truth is about finding the most comfortable place to be. Where is your heart? At what point do you want to burst out with joy? Wherever that place might be... stay there. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking... you will. Over time everyone falls in and out of situations, love, and habitats. But over time you will also find something long term and quite possibly permanent. Watch your footing. Watch where you leave your heart... it just might get trampled.

Today I rediscovered truth. Today I found a more content sensation than I have ever felt. Today I woke up, put on lounge attire, turned on the tv, and blocked everything else out but one thing. One thing that never seems to slip my mind. I belong somewhere... and no matter who or what happens to me, I will still be in the comfortable place that I am in. Love.

-Quixotic-

The Irrelevant

So life, as a whole, is possible... obviously. Well maybe I can tell you something you don't know already. Life, as a whole, is always gruesome, always tedious, and will always get the best of you. People often times say that life is one big test. Indeed it is! But people also get confused about what the actual test is.

Going back to the original question (and by original I mean the beginning of time), we find that everyone has their own opinion in regards to what the meaning of life might be. The answers vary amongst different cultures, religions, and social structures... but one thing remains the same from an international perspective. Life without happiness is null. Becoming less defined as religions and nationalities become more defined, the meaning of life becomes an array of personal goals and higher standards; Achieving everything that you are capable of.

Now, approaching the subject of happiness... how is it obtained? I would tell you "Its simple!" But if I said that I would be a lying scoundrel out to destroy you and your very well-being. Bliss, is an optional habitat for us as human beings. First off, money is nothing. Money will help us survive and possibly live more comfortably than some others... but in spectrum, it is just another curse. Power, popularity, say-in-things... these all mean nothing and have no relevance to becoming happy. Happiness is created, not achieved. Happiness is the ability to see beauty in the hideous, cry when sadness demands it, finding strength in the things we cannot see, believing in ourselves and possibly higher powers if our religious beliefs call for it. Happiness is the way we structure our minds to process the bad things out and embrace the good with all our might.

Good typically conquers evil. Right? Well not always. I have fallen victim to being defeated by evil when my intentions are nothing but good... so I have personally experienced the break in this theory. But good will always bring us happiness. Life is an uphill expedition that WILL be difficult and WILL try us and test us at every available opportunity, but letting these tests and trials get to you is one of the worst mistakes you will ever make. Succeeding isn't everything my friends. It is only a side note to this lifetime. I know plenty of people that make over 200k a year, and drown their sorrows every night in anything they can find. I don't necessarily mean substances of any sort... but anything between work to bowling tournaments. Its an escape. Sometimes a vacation from the difficult is necessary. But making it a regular habit is like throwing your soul into a boiling pot of despair.

Our healthy existence relies on one thing: our happiness. Facts are this: Everyone will enter a drought of depression. Everyone will become selfish in their own way. Everyone on this planet has a problem... some more than others, but this is life. We weren't put ( or mysteriously blasted into existence for you big bangers ) on this earth to have a good time. We are here to survive the best we know how. You  may have heard this statement before, but take a good look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Do you know who you want to be? Do you have the genuity to obtain happiness? By being satisfied with your life I don't mean put the brakes on the direction you are moving. You need to be content with the now and if things are looking up, keep moving in that direction. If things are looking rough and it is avoidable, do so just that. Avoid it. Turn around and walk the opposite way. Friends, foes, I offer you my advice with only the best intentions for you. Most of the above is merely common sense but I would feel far more comfortable knowing that I tried.

-quixotic-

The Rambler

This world, as a whole, cannot be changed in one quick snap of the fingers. Thousands of documents, peace treaties, oral truces, or even agreements don't even have the power to do so. Turn to violence? Turn to dispute? Has it worked before? Will it work again? There aren't definite answers to anything regarding the bettering of this world. There isn't anything that anyone can say or do to change the way people think. Only a miracle could strike a dent.

As mentioned in the last post, being content with your situation, or OUR situation in this case is the best answer to resolving your pursuit for happiness. This world is corrupt, ignorant, pessimistic, unloving, and in complete denial of all of this. Denial is the greatest road blocks to success. Admission of guilt or wrong doing is the first step to moving forward. It doesn't even necessarily have to be admission of your own guilt or wrong doing. It could simply be admitting that something is being done wrong and needs to be changed.

Our voices will not be heard. In a country that grants us the freedom of speech, everyone yells all at once and no one's words are heard. It drives us to confusion and insanity... so it is best to stick with what we know best. OURSELVES. This country is run, believe it or not, by hundreds of men in business suits with suitcases full of documentation relevant to keeping this country together and running smoothly. Although I do not take this "democracy" for granted, I am not fully convinced that it existed to start with.

Power struggle: when someone, or a group of people fight to make their opinion fact or their name/names more important. Power in this world is nothing. Money is everything. The more power you have, the more you are hated. Your name means nothing to society unless you fight and work your ass off for it. Even then, you are just another compilation of letters slapped on a business card. But as I mentioned before, what you do or even how much of an impact you make is never enough.

So you want to make a difference. You want to take a stand, speak your opinion, make an impact, draw a crowd, and be someone. Unfortunately not everyone can do so. I personally would never want the weight of my words teeter tottering my every movement with the risk bringing upheaval.

Anger and violence are two more very unproductive attributes of a person or country. Anger does nothing but stir up the original problem, making it worse than it could have been. INSTEAD: avoid being aggressive, and be assertive instead. Use calm, steady words. Speak non-offensively to your enemies... embrace their mistakes as grounds for your own betterment. You obviously have the upper hand if you can stay calm in a heated situation. Violence is anger in the physical realm. It does all the same things anger does, but typically leaves no grounds for forgiveness. As if you would want to be forgiven in the first place, lets just say you were aggressive and violent with a friend of a friend for saying something offensive to you. Without regard to who "won" or "lost", think about the emotional exchange taking place during a violent dispute. Questionable anti-moral thoughts stream fearlessly through your mind. Thoughts of far more violent things than you could have ever intended if you were not in the heat of this moment. Unreasonable things become acceptable and you become temporarily corrupt to your own thought pattern. Is it violence that brings us, as humans, together as one? Is it anger that pulls the weight of this country or any other for that matter? Peace is now and will forever be the only way. Happiness has to be accepted... it doesn't come on it's own. Happiness has to be created. Peace has to be created.

Those of you who sit back and complain about the world's faults, should be accepting these things as opportunities for you, as a responsible human being, to put your part in... even if you only get your foot in the door. It doesn't take one powerful person to change things. It takes many people playing small parts to get things done. Are you worried about the pollution of the air we breathe? If so, stop littering. Stop building compost piles with chemicals and non degradable plastics. Stop burning recyclable material. Stop purchasing pollutants. That will be your small part to play. Every time you decide to not throw that not-so-biodegradable fast food cup out your window will bring us that much closer to resolving the air pollution problem across the globe.

Closing out I would like to say that this world is now and has always been corrupt and its nothing worth frowning about. Nature in itself is the single most beautiful thing on this earth. But when something happens that poses a threat to the health of our environment, it is merely this corrupt and selfish world balancing itself out. This world will never be perfect. This world will always fall further from what it was to start with.

-quixotic-

-quixotic-

The Content

People ask themselves questions. It's in our cells. We were hardwired to learn. Evidence in itself is not usually enough. A persons decisions and ability to determine truths solely rely on what that person wants. There are people that have convinced themselves that they are no longer human and have evolved into a glass of orange juice. Strange? No. Exaggerated normality? Indeed.

The predicament we are in will now and always be the one that we have put OURSELVES in. With the human mind being as powerful as it is, there is no reason for some of us to have the issues that we do in life. Evidence may or may not support the fact that the world has set out to make you miserable... but looking back will always conclude that we have birthed the crisis ourselves.

Being IN a crisis is one thing. Everyone has one. Getting OUT of the crisis is where we are halted. Yes, there are some matters that cannot be resolved easily. There are things that we simply cannot change. Basically, being comfortable with your situation is the best remedy to resolve it. I am not saying you should push it to the side and cease to put an effort in... but come to reality for a moment and realize that there will always be someone with far worse circumstances and even less power to change them. Be happy... this is your life. This is what YOU made for yourself. This is what you have been handed.

I knew a man, a while back, who had been handed the shortest stick out of anyone I had ever met. About 5 years ago, his father died on a fishing trip in Florida. He was also on the trip. His sister then took the liberty to forge the will, leaving he and his mother little to nothing. He was then forced, because of financial obligation, to move into a "projects" area. With five people living in a two bedroom apartment, they found small ways to make money and get the bills paid. Two years later his mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She died a few months later because they did not have the money to pay for treatment. Only one year later his younger brother was smashed in between the guard rail and a semi-truck on the freeway. He was in critical condition for a few months, comatose, and just having both legs amputated. After his release from intensive care, being in the vegetative state that he was in, was sent to a physical therapy clinic where he still remains today.

But even after all this he kept on smiling. He was happy. He was content. He lived his life to the fullest with no regard to the past. His attitude was one that I envied. I have tried to be as positive as possible no matter what happens. But sometimes I can't seem to do it. "It takes a man to make a miracle and a miracle to make a man." Its our attitude that brings us success. It is our attitude that determines how we live.

There is really only one spectrum in this life: happiness. If we cannot look through that spectrum them we will be doomed to sadness and depression for the remainder of our lives. It IS possible to be happy about anything. I use the man above as an example. My situation is petty in contrast to his and I still have to struggle to put a smile on. But I continue to make attitude adjustments and find my place in this happy little world. "Like a smile amongst a city of frowns... so am I in the land of dismay."

-quixotic-

The Line defined

As if there were line to start with... I sit, lay, walk, and go about my day wondering about that line. Typically it goes by undefined and unnoticed. But sooner or later, you will end up drawing the line. It comes with maturity. And when I say line I mean something that is NOT supposed to be crossed.

Think about the most mature, put together, successful person you know. Now, take into account the vast number of lines they have drawn for themselves. Do they hold higher standards than you do? Are they happy? Do they face the same trials you do?

Appreciate what is real. Appreciate what you have and how much worse you could have had it. Acknowledge your past as a shadow of the present and shine a little light on it. Believe that what you plan on doing is well within grasp. Teach yourself how to live based on your mistakes, not your achievements. Be proud of who you are and everything you stand for regardless of how many people will hate you for it. Let the little things go. And draw lines based on what is in YOUR best interest.

I won't even get into specifics when it comes to what things to draw lines on or where to draw them for that matter. It could be applied to ANY aspect of your life. The higher the standards you hold for yourself, the better off you will be. Even the greatest warriors have to fall sometimes. Even the smartest of people spit out absurdities. And only you can draw lines for yourself. So keep your chin up, chest out, and march straight to success... with a few lines in hand.

-quixotic-

The Snorkel

My girlfriend and music have been my snorkel lately. When my head goes under and things start getting rough for me again, they give me the fresh air I need. They give me the comfort, the gratefulness, and the appreciation for life as a whole that I need to carry on.

There isn't a whole lot that can phase me. I am not easily traumatized nor am I one to go ballistic about much. As I have mentioned many times before, in earlier blogs, I am careless. But things have changed. Work, school, and long spans of sobriety have nudged me into an actual schedule. I plan things days ahead of time instead of taking life 20 minutes at a time.

I don't see too many of my old friends any more. Occasionally I will send them a friendly greeting... but overall, they aren't involved in my life any longer. As much as I miss my teen years and my adventures through high school, the time has come for me to resort to absolute maturity. I can't act like a child or even a teenager by any means. In fact, if I did I know I wouldn't be where I am now. I have a loving girlfriend, family, friends, and a beautiful daughter that could snatch my heart right out of my chest in fragments of a second. I am blessed. For those of you that don't believe in the God that I do, no hard feelings... But he has been turning my life right-side-up for the past few months and it is feeling pretty incredible. Thank you to everyone that has been my snorkel. Thank you for being my eyes when I can't see, for being my ears when I can't hear, and for being my brain when I need advice. Thank you for being my family. Thank you for being my girlfriend. And thank you for being the greatest daughter a daddy could ever have.

-quixotic-

Negotiating Reality

All in a matter of about a year, reality for me has become as insignificant as my feeble attempts at gaining respect within the community or at least amongst my "friends". I've pushed boundaries, made enemies, made friends, and destroyed hearts and internal organs over the past year or two.

Occasionally, I stop to think about my surrealistic view of this life and wonder why I can't grasp the fundamentals of this life and the reality that it holds. It shouldn't be this hard for me to touch base with reality... but instead, I live by what I have learned and what I can't see. Lately, things have been working out alright. My only main difficulty is being able to judge severity of matters. I view things for what they ARE, not what they could be.

I never look too far ahead... I live in the now, and try to organize my priorities for the future, but hold no expectations as to what tomorrow might hold for me. I'm tired of being disappointed, I'm tired of grazing the fields of despair due to the bad parts of my life, and I'm more than tired of the people that think of me for what I've done and not who I am now.

Everything I knew as a child has dissipated between the time I was 14 up until now. I have changed my goals, my beliefs, my morals, my expectations, and my priorities have shifting dramatically over the course of 6 years. Is this even me anymore? Have I changed into someone else? Yes. I am an adult now. I live by my survival instincts instead of my fun instincts. I do what I need to do to make it in this world. I do what I need to do to succeed.

It comes down to me being shocked and traumatized by the dramatic changes taking place in my life. As much as I love and crave change, the time has come for me to settle in so that I can unfold the tension I have had building over the years. I have never settled in anywhere for that entire time. I have constantly moved, changed friends, changed areas, beliefs, jobs, pets, cars, and anything else you could imagine. This year is a special year for me... this year, I'm sticking to things... this year I'm not giving in to anyone or anything... this year, Is MY year.

The Propaganda

Appealing? Yes. Beautiful? Yes. But that certainly is the point... right? As discreetly as possible, the media slips its opinions and products into our heads and onto our laps as if we don't have the ability to make choices on our own.

The way we form opinions about things is generally based around how we are influenced about it. You won't find someone that creates beliefs without an influence of some sort. Influence is everything. We tend to gravitate towards the things that catch our eye. This is why visual media has such an astounding impact on us.

There are people on this earth that are fueled by attention. They are on a constant battle to get attention from as many people as possible. They want their name coming out of other people's mouths whether its good talk or bad. They need it just to get by. So they submit to propaganda, pressure, and sugar coated persuasion. It is inevitable that these people will never be who they really are.

The chemicals in our minds are released when our brain tells them to. When something that makes us happy occurs, our brain releases chemicals that make us laugh, smile, and feel good all around. The same goes with any other emotion. The media does not consist of stupid people. They are smart, they are witty, and they know exactly how to manipulate your emotions.

Everything I've ever been taught about people; everything I have ever experienced involving others has brought me to believe that no one is genuine, no one can truly think for themselves, and the media controls a very unreasonable percentage of our lives and the way we think and act.

-quixotic-

The Chaotic

This economy is fueled by turmoil and chaos. These are the only two elements assisting the crumbling walls of society around us. But when put into spectrum, chaos is typically initiated in attempt to establish a greater peace than before.

In this life, chaos should be kept to a minimum. We live in a country so controlled by political gurus and fascist dictators that even open artistic expressionism is kept a close eye on. Chaos is necessary at some points in time but in the long haul, your problems will stack up quicker than McDonalds meat patties on a Saturday afternoon if you are continually looking for ways to stir up the fires in your life.

No one can tell us where to draw the line, but we can try to be responsible enough to establish it for ourselves. No one can prevent us from saying what we want to say or expressing ourselves in ways that others might frown upon, but they can punish us by law if we cross the boundaries they have set and we get caught in the act.

Realistically, the way we act and react to things becomes solely based around how willing we are to cross boundaries and push the limits. You cannot expect everyone to be on the same page with you. But you CAN be understanding that their form of laying down a chaotic track on this earth may be entirely different than the way you do it.

Touching a deeper form of chaos, an unspoken chaos. The silent assassin. It comes in the heat of an argument. It deteriorates, slowly but surely, the bonds and ties between people. And it stops at nothing to get what it wants. Some may call it hidden selfish desire. Maybe jealously, sadness, depression, anger, hatred, or even indifference. It is a chaos that runs on our emotions and slowly changes the way we perceive things. But emotions are wicked... and no one has the ability to control them entirely. They can pull us in a direction that wouldn't exactly be logical based on facts, be used as a tool by our enemies, or provide a gateway to infatuation (which isn't really a bad thing). To control a certain emotion would be impossible. Drugs can change the way our brains secrete certain chemicals, yes. But can we really expect to feed ourselves drugs for the rest of our lives just so we don't lose our temper every so often? The old saying, "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself" applies to this area greatly. We can only change as much as we allow ourselves to. Hidden desires and unspoken chaos will hold us back from taking steps forward no matter how many substances we choke down on a daily basis to drown out the emotional "noise" that floods our heads.

Becoming more aware of the severity of our chaotic output can be tiresome, and I have plenty of work to do myself, but I encourage you to find the one thing that sneaks a smile back onto your face and blurs out all of your emotional tension and cling to that thing like your life depends on it... because in a way, it does.

-Quixotic-

The Compatible

Here lies the bones of sorrow, guilt, and depression. The dawn of a new era in happiness has come, smiling is at an all time high, and peace has met its match. All this as a result of compatibility.

The infinite trails of trials mediate our battle for happiness and we have always seemed to settle for the worst. Visibility is of essence. Try, if at all possible, to avoid being blinded by such an overcoming emotional tidal wave that you lose sight of the facts.

The past is not and will never be the future... so don't let the past eat you up. Each sunrise is the doorway to a new future. Every minute has the potential to change your life. There really is no free time in our lives if you think about it. Everything we do is in ordinance to surviving. Every breath we take comes prior to the next and it will stay that way until our hearts cease to beat any longer. So why waste a single breath?

She is everything I want... everything I need to move forward in my life. She is my oxygen, the one thing keeping a smile on my face. She is beautiful and her persona is even more beautiful. She is music to my ears, candy to my eyes, and the drug to my brain. I couldn't imagine wanting anything more.

Every compatible partner has their differences from the other and they will become apparent with time. But differences can be negotiated, compensated for, and set to the side. As combobulated at both of our lives are, we still find more than enough peace and happiness in each other.

Every worst enemy I have ever had, every problem that I still have when I wake up in the morning, every terrible thing that has ever happened to me, doesn't mean anything any longer. I have hope in tomorrow... and I happy of my yesterday because it has brought me to where I am now. There are some little things I would probably change but overall, I would leave it just how it is.

The compatible always stand the strongest. When a connection that involves both compatibility AND emotion sparks, it is nearly unstoppable. It is those compatible with us that help get us by in times of strife.

I feel like I just discovered El Derado. Its like I have confirmed the boundlessness of my happiness. I am overcome with joy and anticipation for tomorrow because I know that then... I will get to know her just a little bit better than I did the day before.

-Quixotic-

The Replenishing

Of all the elements of nature, I find fire to be the most useful. I have always had a serious problem destroying things... it started with toys and evolved into destroying relationships and my reputation. I AM the attention deficit destroyer and typically, nothing stands in my way giving me every chance to make matters worse.

So fire destroys. It brings buildings down, kills masses of people, and has the ability to destroy everything in its path. But fire can also destroy enemies. It can cook our food, get us to work at 65 mph, keep us warm, and melt things down to build these very machines we communicate on. Fire isn't all bad... its just not utilized to its full potential.

I have been growing a whole lot lately. In a moral and a personality standpoint... not so much physically, unfortunately. Every opportunity I get I leap and to my advantage, I have seemed to be hitting the ceiling every time. Things are shaping up, the people around me are starting to respect me as a human being again, and my liveliness is shining through the window panes in my eye sockets.

My happiness has become my motivation, my work ethic, and my replenishment. I am refueling my life with positive energy and its driving me into a nirvana unlike any I've ever felt with substances. I've proven, most importantly to myself, that I CAN make my own dream fall into reality. I CAN be better than I had expected myself to be 6 months ago, and I CAN be an overachiever if I keep pushing.

I fully intend to continue to take each day one at a time and each problem head on... one at a time. Seeing is believing... so take an extra powerful hop on that lonesome bunny trail you seem to have ended up on and land yourself on the next fork in the road.

-quixotic-

The Parent

Raising a child is not about you... nor is it about anyone else around you. It is about making your child happy. The words you use and the way you act around your child will forever effect them. But everyone slips and falls occasionally.

To my misfortune, my current situation is unsolvable and undeniably at a standstill. My ability to function in a relationship has not been the greatest in the past, and that is changing slowly but surely. I have attempted, on several occasions to be at peace with the mother of my child. Unfortunately she cannot keep her cool and emotional stress drives her to irrational behavior towards me.

My heart has the right intentions but fact and reason say that I cannot give into her every demand in order for me to be able to see my daughter in a peaceful setting. Despite my unmatchable ability to keep calm in a heated argument or situation, I have almost lost my temper on several occasions.

All I want is whats best for my daughter. She has her little fingers wrapped around my heart and no matter what I do, nothing is good enough to allow me access to see her. The hatred and negative energy they show towards my family is nothing but one group of people's lack of ability to forgive and move forward. Some things are better left unsaid and dealt with by legal authorities is one very important note I have acquired through my ventures as a single father.

Basically it comes down to this... I have made plenty of terrible choices both in the relationship and the parenting side of things. But I regret them and have apologized for them. NOW, the goal seems to be dangling my daughter in front of my face like a game piece to try to get me to run back to her in tears and remorse. Fortunately, I'm not stupid nor am I one to fall for bait like that. The fact that she would expect me to want to be with her after all of this disgusts me and forces me to question her decision making abilities which in turn makes me question her ability to raise my daughter in a stable and peaceful environment.

Its time to take steps forward, live life the way it was meant to be lived, express myself in healthy ways, and drive to success... even if that means I cannot be the full time father of my daughter. Her happiness is my priority. Let life take its course and do what feels right to you. Live, Laugh, Love.

-quixotic-

The Ability

I have the ability to be happy, as do you. It doesn't take much. You just need to keep your mind on what is really important. If something important is lost or becomes a problem, focus on the next most important thing... But do NOT forget these important ghosts of the past. They can be learning experiences.

Every person, despite what mental instability they may have, has the ability to become something amazing. Each and every one of our human minds have the ability to process more data than any other species of creature or computer known in existence. But it all comes down to how bad you want it... and by "it" I mean a future that will flourish and help you build character and learn valuable lessons. Ability is not everything my friends. The majority of our success comes from how motivated we are to get to that point.

Taking into consideration the society we live in and the process in which things are done, there is a measurable equality between all classes of people in that we are all licensed to happiness at some point or another. Being content is not all bad. But some people seem to always want more. Things really do get better... always. So just keep on trucking and doing what you need to do and you will soon find that everything will shape up if you decide to abide peaceably within the confines of your struggles.

In our youth, we are just now getting a taste of the world, independence, and starting to understand what it takes to be happy. But we will have to fight with every breath we have to keep ourselves on the right track... laziness has never gotten anyone anywhere. We are able. We need to be stable. And the ultimate goal of becoming happy with ourselves and our lives is only a hand swipe away.

Believe in yourself, believe that everything happens for a reason, and believe that where you are going will eventually get you to where you need to be. Regardless of the circumstances that can trouble us, no matter how severe or petty, each and every trial we face will take us on a new adventure and help us develop a further knowing of not only the future but also what makes this world turn.

And lastly, always love. Love your enemies, love those who have turned completely against you, love those who have let you down, and love those who are helping you through it all. Hate is a backstabber. It feels good to let off your steam on someone or something but in the end, hate will turn on you and stab you right in your back. You could almost consider hating as being a form of siding with the enemy. There is no chemical compound that can entire actuate a particular emotion nor is there any chemical that can completely get rid of an emotion... so don't rely on anything but your own knowledge and willingness to move forward in life to get over terrible circumstances. You ARE able. With peace and love,

-quixotic-

The Miserable

In the midst of this miserable situation, you are my breath of fresh air. Despite my surroundings, the people that accuse me, and the people that want me to look like a careless idiot wasting my life away... you are the one that spins the tables on all of that.

"Everything's going to get lighter, even if it never gets better." There is stupidity and immaturity storming our lives from every corner. It has suddenly become difficult to even breathe without pausing to show our disgust for the whole thing. But no fuel to this fire will even cause anything to burn completely down.

The longer I live, the more I realize that there is no such thing as karma... more so the consequences of our actions growing more severe as we stick one toe after another in waters that are clearly marked "keep out". What goes around comes around again, and again, and again. Every word that escapes our mouths, living in the society we live in, has the potential of starting a serious upheaval amongst the people we know.

Miserable: Checking social media sites only to find that hundreds of people can here what you have to say about someone else. After this is done, they pick sides, team up, and the stone throwing begins. 9 times out of 10... these random viewers are completely oblivious to the reality of things because they have been twisted and distorted so profusely that there is nearly no fact to the story anymore.

The bottom line is... what makes most people miserable or upset is now avoidable by this new resource I have come across. It is something very real, very mind opening, and very straight forward. There are no ifs ands or buts to it.... just truth. In the event that this is lost, everything goes back to as miserable as it once was. Fingers crossed, lets hope reality stays where its at.

-quixotic-

Indefinite Reasoning

Taking to account the unavailability of absolute certainty in some situations, indefinite reasoning can seem like a bit of a profound way to make decisions in life. Unfortunately, some things cannot be found out until they are put into action blindly.

As some facts are not always readily available at the time of decision making, sometimes it is more than necessary to take that terrifying step out on a ledge that leaves us baffled as to what the outcome might end up being.

BUT... past situations can scar, humiliate, and keep our guards up so tightly that doubt will devour our plans in nearly one bite. Its a done deal... you think to yourself, "I have done that many times before and failed." But as intellectual beings, there must be a point in time when we are required to stop and think about what went wrong in the past. Sometimes it is simply a mismatch of chemistry between people. Other times its our careless mistakes that put this "post traumatic stress" on us. And lastly, some people are merely not intelligent enough to realize where their mistakes have been made and they simply brush the entire situation to the side, never to be thought about again.

As easy as the last scenario may seem, it will get us no where in this life. In this day in age, we have to fight for what we want. Nothing comes free or easily. Brushing the situation to the side will do nothing more than bring us deeper more complicated problems.

So when using indefinite reasoning we should analyze the situation for WHAT IT IS based on the facts we know, not the feelings or emotions we feel about the scenario, and sometimes the facts are slim to none. It can be difficult for some people to grasp or believe in something that cannot be seen, touched, or proven with factual material. But it is the things we cannot see, touch, or hear that mean the most to us. That step out on a ledge can be tough, maybe even seem impossible, but it is key to moving forward in life.

-quixotic-

The Overjoyed

I've been getting the strange feeling that I am actually doing something right in my life... a little hint: I don't get that feeling very often. My brain isn't cluttered with stress and chemicals, my family situation will work out for the best, and as of now... I am one happy camper.

When things change, you typically enjoy them at first, then doubt smacks you in the face, then everything settles back in again. Its my attitude and my understanding of other people that helps me keep my peace. I realize that I have certain obligations to tend to... such as my daughter, school, and my direct family. Then again I don't have to tend to any of these things... but I want to.

Sometimes it takes a little arranging in life for things to turn out so that everyone can be happy. To the heartbroken, to those who have been back stabbed, to those who have been pushed around, called names, belittled, and made transparent to emotion... you will be happy again.

Time trains us to see what is unseen by fear and emotional barriers. Time designs a new setting for us to establish trust and love. Time can also make things worse. It can build stronger grudges, bring deeper doubts, and take hatred to a whole new level. But at some point you will have to realize that what is of the past is never important. Its hard to just leave everything in the past... sometimes impossible. But it MUST be done if you want things to get better.

The present and the future is all we need. You cannot sit around worrying about yesterday. You need to be thinking about tomorrow. To let someone down is discouraging, especially when they don't know how to handle it. It tends to be a big mess of back and forth feelings and emotions but at some point you need to realize what the big picture is. Failure after failure after failure... it becomes more apparent that the past is never the key to the future. What happened once may never happen again and its YOU that will be wasting time if you cannot see that life must go on.

I am overjoyed to announce that I have found peace of mind. I rest easily at night knowing that what happens tomorrow could change the rest of my life and I am even more overjoyed to know that I have every bit of power to control that.

-quixotic-

The Maturity Pt. II

It is a curious thing, maturity. You never realize you are immature until someone tells you. But some people never figure it out. No one ever tells them because they tend to interact with people that are just as immature as them!

People unite and build friendships based solely around similarities and smiles. But who are your friends? Would you take a bullet for them? Good friends are good friends no matter what life they live. A friend is someone that you communicate with easily, someone you trust, someone that would never pull you down, and someone you do not easily get annoyed with because of their differing thoughts from your own.

But it is pathetic to think that some people are so desperate for attention that they will congregate with just about anyone that has crossed their path just to be sure people like them. This is what separates the mature from the children. Its your attitude and its the manner in which you handle your problems.

A few standards I've set for myself (in no particular order.) since I have decided to turn the faultiness in my life into something amazing:

1. Do NOT interact or "hang out" with people that pose any kind of threat to you.

2. Believe your gut. Believe your heart. And use these beliefs to find your place in the world.

3. Take it easy. Its simple and straight forward. Just chill.

4. Do not let ANYONE get to you. You have a brain... and its there so that no one else has to do any thinking for you.

5. Chances are, your accusers are wrong about you. To some extent. But like I said before... Chill out. If they are wrong just let them do their thing.

6. Do NOT be defensive unless it threatens your eternal happiness.

7. Try to understand, even if you have the darkest of evil angers swelling inside you.

8. Don't drown your sorrows in anything. I don't just mean drugs and alcohol... I mean anything material on this earth.

9. Be the first to back out. But do it calmly and with a kind note at the end. This will always put you ahead of the game...

10. After completing the above (9) do NOT return for more debating, yelling, arguing, whatever you want to call it. let them come to you.


By following this list, you may be able to eliminate a good portion of the drama from your life if not all of it. Opinions spread like a wildfire... so don't be afraid to voice your side of the story if someone has been entirely misinformed. But some people cannot understand and will not listen to you. So let them go. Filter them out of your life completely.

Being mature is understanding what is most important. Being more mature is putting something or someone else before yourself. Being mature not letting emotions distort what the truth might be. Being mature is moving on. Being mature is not only being happy and content with whatever cards you have been handed or have handed to yourself, but also proclaiming your happiness. Being mature is not letting emotions like hatred, guilt, oppression, stress, and jealousy devour you. Believe in yourself but don't eat your own head off in a fit of rage. Being mature is fighting your own fights, in the right way, at the right time, with the right attitude. Being mature is laughing about your mistakes and never making them again. Being mature is putting the past behind you and looking straight forward.

Living your life to the fullest is what matters. That is not your ticket to party and binge drink until your liver stops working half way through a drinking game... it is an order from me to you to be happy and be all that you can be. If you fail in one place, try again. If you fail again, keep trying. But don't be an idiot and waste your life trying to glue chicken feathers to your arms and try to take off into the clouds. Some things will not happen... no matter how you shove them in the barrel. But when you have finally called it quits... When you have established that what you have set to accomplish is going to drag you through the mud and smuck for the rest of your life, then compensate elsewhere.

To close out I will just say this: There are people that cannot and will not try to understand you or your beliefs or actions. Are you going to walk through lava to try to win someones ear over? Would you take a fist to the jaw just so someone would know what is on your mind? If you are worried about your reputation... you are going to be at a loss if you do either of the above. If someone agitates you or voices their opposition to what you believe or what you do... lay down the facts as you know them and back out. Don't argue any further. This world is too big to settle anywhere at my age. I'm ready to get up, out, and all over as soon as I can. The world is far too big to let one simple minded adolescent stand between you and six and a half billion other people.

-quixotic-

The Level

"We will never be on the same level. And I mean in mind AND body. The way each of us think could not be more different. The way we handle our problems could not be more subsequent when working together. I could almost hear the time bomb ticking when we were together. I could count the seconds down from when the next argument would arise."

There are people who can forgive, forget, and just move on. Others get glued to things... parasitic, devouring, pertaining to a gnat. Nothing can be more problematic than someone that knows your pressure points and pushes tightly on them at each and every available opportunity. They know what hurts you, what saddens you, and what drives you insane... then they use all this as leverage for their own good.

Call me hypocritical and call me delusional, but to recognize something is the first step to correcting it if it is a problem. Being blind to you own faultiness could quite probably be the utmost in personality destroyers. Knowledge may not be bliss, but it certainly puts you in the right more often.

To the liars, cheaters, thieves, druggies, alcoholics, wife beaters, child beaters, rapists, child molesters, murderers, drug dealers, and downright sinners: You do what you do because you have justified it temporarily... you have to face the consequences for your actions whether you get caught or not. To those who are unable to recognize the severity of situations, its time to step back and let life take its course. You cannot control everything in this world.

-quixotic-

New Beginnings

Changes in life don't have to be starting new things. It could also be getting rid of old things. Out with the old in with the new. Take a deep breath and leave all the darkness and confusion in the past. Take steps towards a better situation for yourself.

Its always better to back out of something as soon as you have a serious doubt about it. The more drawn out it becomes, the more cards will be thrown into the mix. The longer you perpetuate something that doesn't fit in your life, the more confusion will be scrambled around in you.

Fixation on a better tomorrow. Happiness can be inevitable for everyone... it just depends on how content you are with your surroundings. Some people will never be happy because they always want more. But that isn't always a bad thing. Its their drive for success that pulls them to want more.

There really will never be any suitable perfectly comfortable place for anyone in this world. There is too much diversity for everyone to sit at ease knowing that everything is perfectly fine beyond their living space. Face it... this world is a wreck. And so are most people in the world.

Start your new beginning by getting rid of fear. Fear will be the single most devouring ingredient that will keep you from moving forward in the right direction. After you trash your fear, take hold of what you want in this life by the horns and eliminate things off your to-do list as quickly and effectively as possible. Not everyone has the same goals... some are obviously going to be much more difficult to succeed in than others, but you are the only that can make these things happen. People don't get PhD's because they were nudged and helped like a child all the way through college.

A new beginning will always start as a breath of fresh air... then doubt sets in. "Did I make a mistake in leaving the past behind me? Did I just ruin everything? Have I destroyed all hopes of me being happy for the remainder of my life?" Well the answer is no... to all three in fact. Believe it or not, it takes a lot to ruin someones entire life. So long as you are abiding by the law and doing what you need to be doing without being careless and sloppy, then you will reap the ultimate reward of happiness.

In the end its you who wins. Flush your fear, stomp out stress, and essentially alleviate hardship for yourself by putting past doubt in the past where it was always intended to be. The way I look at it is this: The more you move through this world, the more you will learn... that means you will have to occasionally have to leave some aspects of your life in the dust if they are not going the way they should be going to make you happy. Its never very hard to become blinded by emotions... but to look at the physical compatibility of not only the people around you but also the details of your lifestyle, you will see that emotions can be more deceiving that you could have ever believed.

So what is the next step? Figure out what you want in life. And I don't mean careers, houses, cars, none of that. Think about how and what kind of people you want to be interacting with... and that will help guide the rest of the way. There are not bad people, only bad choices. You can't always fix all your problems on your own. A surgeon doesn't perform brain surgery on his own. He has people that assist his every move. Likewise, sometimes it takes friends and family to help you find where you need to be going. But be very clear and honest when you explain what you want. Never hold anything back if you want reliable answers. Like I said earlier, in the end its you who wins... that is, if you decide to walk the right path.

-quixotic-

The Underdeveloped

So maybe not all of us have slipped on our wisdom boots yet. A lot of people I know can't see whats right and wrong because they have been brought up in such a way that conformity to what their family believes is the only logical option. Perspective makes all the difference.

If everyone handled issues in the same way this earth would be nothing but boring. Finding compatible friends and relationships should be effected by this. With every instinct we have been hardwired with, we naturally attract people that are similar to ourselves.

There are different levels of comfort zones. Some people force themselves to act comfortable and open with someone because they believe they are alike. They push every difference out of the way and see only the likenesses... which are often very few. There is an unspeakable line to be drawn between a frequent friendly acquaintance and a friend. And there lies a most obvious and visible line between a friend and something deeper.

The underdeveloped mind can see nothing but what it wants to see and what it has been brought up from birth to know and believe is solid fact. I find the phrase, "never let education interfere with your learning" a helpful guideline for life. If we cannot learn from what happens in our social and intimate daily life, then why are we on this earth? It seems highly unlikely that we are all destined to go through the motions: go to school, work, have families, and follow the footsteps of the good American citizen. Its even more unlikely that any one person, including our parents, know everything there is to know about life.

I've spoken a lot about individualism and in this particular discussion it means more than anything for you to realize and embrace the fact that you must learn everything in this life on your own. Anything taught to you could potentially be slightly distorted... human error backs this up in entirety. Indifference will bring you no reward in this life. Caring brings learning, learning brings less hardships, and less hardships bring you all the more close to your pursuit for happiness. Don't leave any spaces blank, don't leave any pages unturned, and think always before you do.

-quixotic-