The Caring

So here I am, completely devoted and willing to change my every action for the rebuilding of a healthy, faithful, and magnificent relationship. The whereabouts of my trust with her are unknown and the pieces of our relationship that I have scattered and stomped on are now not only scattered but torn into even smaller pieces. The only rational thing to do is to start piecing those things back together. Right?

So here is the thing. I do care about her. I care about her more than any words could ever describe. But I feel like I am chasing a ghost. I feel like I am trying to rebuild a structure with bricks that do not exist. Security is one thing. But having at least a hint of knowledge that what your fighting for even has the ability to exist is an entirely different scenario. I do not deserve any kind of security in anything at this point in my progress, you are right about that. But when mixed messages hint to me that I am being strung along, I feel even more insecure than I would if I were being lied to. Well in fact, Its nearly impossible to even get the slightest bit of information out of her. I feel like I am interrogating her for proof that what I am trying to do is not a shot in the dark. I have all the time in the world darling... if you want to make me wait all that time, then I will. I see little signs every so often, then other times I feel as if all hope is lost. I blame myself entirely for these problems of course, but a little help would be splendid.

-quixotic-