Raising a child is not about you... nor is it about anyone else around you. It is about making your child happy. The words you use and the way you act around your child will forever effect them. But everyone slips and falls occasionally.
To my misfortune, my current situation is unsolvable and undeniably at a standstill. My ability to function in a relationship has not been the greatest in the past, and that is changing slowly but surely. I have attempted, on several occasions to be at peace with the mother of my child. Unfortunately she cannot keep her cool and emotional stress drives her to irrational behavior towards me.
My heart has the right intentions but fact and reason say that I cannot give into her every demand in order for me to be able to see my daughter in a peaceful setting. Despite my unmatchable ability to keep calm in a heated argument or situation, I have almost lost my temper on several occasions.
All I want is whats best for my daughter. She has her little fingers wrapped around my heart and no matter what I do, nothing is good enough to allow me access to see her. The hatred and negative energy they show towards my family is nothing but one group of people's lack of ability to forgive and move forward. Some things are better left unsaid and dealt with by legal authorities is one very important note I have acquired through my ventures as a single father.
Basically it comes down to this... I have made plenty of terrible choices both in the relationship and the parenting side of things. But I regret them and have apologized for them. NOW, the goal seems to be dangling my daughter in front of my face like a game piece to try to get me to run back to her in tears and remorse. Fortunately, I'm not stupid nor am I one to fall for bait like that. The fact that she would expect me to want to be with her after all of this disgusts me and forces me to question her decision making abilities which in turn makes me question her ability to raise my daughter in a stable and peaceful environment.
Its time to take steps forward, live life the way it was meant to be lived, express myself in healthy ways, and drive to success... even if that means I cannot be the full time father of my daughter. Her happiness is my priority. Let life take its course and do what feels right to you. Live, Laugh, Love.
-quixotic-